It will be eleven years in April that I have been living, breathing, studying, learning cancer. I must admit I consider myself a bit of an expert about my own body and don’t suffer fools gladly.To pay lots of money to see an expert is a bit of an anathema to me, as you can probably gather. Luckily I have only done that a couple of times over the years and the last time I miraculously got a bursary to pay for the cost.

This month just gone I did have to seek out an expert, and coach my ego in the art of non bristle. You see I finally had a successful dalliance with medical marijuana. It lasted all of 3 months. I mean it was amazing, true love. I started feeling really well, I realised I could breathe properly for the first time in a couple of years, and I could sleep – a nice warm relaxed feeling would overide pain and worry. The fact it made me groggy in the morning was a price I was willing to pay. And it was not commercial. A friend made it for me. In fact it ticked all the boxes.
But latterly I was having to up the dose – from one teaspoon a night to two. To one in the morning and two at night. And the pain was creeping in. I kind of noticed that the tumour was growing, splurging, pushing, multiple satellites vying for attention. For some that fact in itself might be terrifying. For me I am used to my body’s ebb and flow. Sometimes it cancers, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the tumour grows, sometimes it is inert, or even starts reducing. Non linear time like.

Anyways whether this latest bout of rampant activity was because of hormonal disturbances and the fact I haven’t bled since Dec 15th, or the marijuana I don’t know. I do know that marijuana has recognised form for use on brain tumours – to the extent that the university of Texas is patenting a synthetic form of marijuana for the pharma cancer industry – but after doing some further research I found couple of papers implicating marijuana in tumour growth and metastasis in 2 types of breast cancer. (there are many many different types of breast cancer). I did kind of know this, but had decided to try it anyways as I didn’t know how my body would respond. I am still not sure whether it was the marijuana but operating from a hunch I decided to stop it.

That was three weeks ago. How I would not have wished the first ten days of that on my worst enemy. Face to face with the pain I had been immured from – I was climbing the walls and no sleep til Brooklyn.
It became really clear to me that I needed some help so I reached out to an expensive holistic expert and got an appointment in London within 5 days. I am glad to report my fur has gone from bristle to slightly shiny but that is another story – and for the next blog – that I am already writing so do watch out for that if you are interested in how my guinea-pig navigates being told what to do.

In the meantime – would I have changed anything with hindsight – erm well no. Those three months of medical Herb  gave me a sense of well-being and empowerment that has recharged my batteries  fed my soul and strengthened my connection to Spirit giving me a renewed sense or sensamilla even, of possibility.

Peace out Live Long and Prosper
Calliope x