How do you hold other peoples truths when they contradict your own? How can you hold other peoples truths when they don’t just contradict yours but have a deleterious affect on your welbeing? What dictates whether the ability to ignore other peoples truths become narcissism or self care? Where is the line and what do we do when we feel powerless in the face of a truth that doesn’t resonate? How do we centre ourselves, align ourselves with our own power and agency in our truths?
I ponder these questions as I ride the buses to and from the hyperbaric chamber throughout January. (Well okay I cab there 16 mins and bus back 60 minutes.) I follow the dots, connecting them up as an astronomer or ships navigator would the starry sky. From my upbringing, to elite power structures to yes the new president of the US of A.
I ponder this as I send good wishes and heart felt healing to dear friends and friends of friends currently subjecting themselves (sometimes unwittingly) to the rigours of undergoing chemo and radiotherapy. The truths of their bodies interpreted through the steam roller of oncology treatments.
I feel raw, emotional, I am often the one running a clear stream of tears at the back of the bus my face frozen intent on betraying nothing.
It is like the oxygen is releasing held hiddens of emotional cellular memory.
What else is there left to work with I ask? And the tears come cleansing and releasing unarticulated grief that had hardened into a magma of blazing anger that in turn underpinned a refusal to not just join in and be a success, as measured by the power structures that dictate 21st century life in the UK but also to deny them. Tactics seemingly from another age to circumnavigate white patriarchy and be part of a world that honours all….
Yes I am being stretched to the fabric of my core.
Something is changing, something is shifting. It is unpleasant.
But it is real and ultimately it is good. I will persevere and trust in my inner knowing.
Sometimes it is so hard to know if your truth is something you should hold onto, or need to change: Something that serves you or something that limits you.
Drop Deep and Centre. Middle Medicine. Re-align your compass and keep sailing.
And of course never stop trying to be accountable to yourself, and also hold others to account when necessary.
Thank you for reading this little blog post.