If you see me, you will see that I have lost a stone and a half, but I have to say I am feeling better than I have done for years. Physically and mentally. Working. I have a good feeling and a quiet glow.
I don’t know if that is because I have been on a 4 week juice fast followed by 3 weeks of raw on top of this – 7 weeks in total (I mean clearly that is how I have lost weight). Or whether the combined disciplines and concerted efforts of a year of daily cold showers; 3 weekly trips to the Hyperbaric oxygen chamber since January; Oil pulling daily for 3 months; A beautiful summer holiday with my beloved companion lab rat on an Italian island bathing in natural warm volcanic water health spas; Lots of sounding; or some amazing shamanic healing with plant medicine in ritual I will never know.
What I do know is that my body chose to take down a very problematic and very large part of the tumour. The part of the tumour that has bled dramatically over the last few years and has limited my movement, stopped me from dancing and made rush hour a dangerous experience. That part. Is gone. Which is incredible. And liberating. And gives me a sense of validation: that my body knows how to do stuff that I need it to do.
It took a month. It was the most hellish experience physically – the pain was off the hook, and that part of the tumour basically ate itself which was messy, smelly and painful. I did not really know what was happening I had to trust. Trust that my body was doing its thing. Hold the pain from a place of deep compassion and witness the process.
To support my body I decided to fast – but juice fast. I managed 4 large glasses a day though 6-8 pints is often recommended. I didn’t want to detox too quickly and didn’t resonate with doing coffee enemas at this time. I also drank a litre and half of glass spring water daily. The fasting also made me intensely weak and breathless but I knew from the research I had done that this was part of and parcel of the best healing protocol I could adopt for myself. And was a temporary measure. I then added salads, nuts and seeds, and raw crackers (a Goddess send). Ocado even deliver them and for quite a lot cheaper than the health food shops!
Every day I could see another cm2 of the tumour rotting. It was an incredible thing. Yes, it was necrotising a cm2 a day – which kind of means it took down something like 20cm2 or so of tumour. I took photos every day. It was a very visible process. Apparently, according to the medical herbalist I consulted and the oncologist at the Royal Free that I visited after the fact, this kind of thing is quite common.
Of course there were the fear narratives that occasionally flitted through my head – what happens if the necrotic flesh doesn’t stop at eating the tumour but moves onto good cells. What will the skin be like underneath? I didn’t lose any sleep on this. I just wanted to honour my body and its processes.
I had a deep feeling that ultimately the part of the tumour that needed to go would go. And it did. I trusted that. I now also trust that I will continue to grow in fulsome health.
I am so grateful to the handful of loved ones who supported me during this time. I couldn’t have come through it without you.
Ps Here is a picture of one of the health spas. It was heaven on earth.