The capacity for illness to render time nonfunctional is powerful business at the best of times.
A time out of time where the markers of human existence warp, become half speed, double speed or just suspended animation in the context of body functions.
At the end of last year looked like history was going to repeat itself as my lungs started cracking, cackling and burbling like a melting ice cap. I even had to get a chest X-ray on Christmas Eve. Fortunately this mysterious chest thing, for me it only lasted nearly three weeks and then went, in part due to autumnal regularity of taking daily liposomal vitamin C and also judicious use of Thyme and Clove oils.
Anyways Solstice came and went, christmas came and went, untouching me with festive social cheer as I bubbled away in exclusive rat companionship, lethargy and wheezing, choirboys and carols, vegan cheese and walnut pate and unwell lounging coughing and general chestyness. Plus one NYE gig. Cue late late mornings, late late sleeping times, and general laziness, incapacity and the kind of timekeeping humans with children cherish the memory of as a long lost unrecoverable part of their youth..
But how easy and seductive it is to get lost in this time vortex. Where nothing matters, expect immediate bodily needs, the outside world dissolved into the dark midwinter, invisible in inky street light blackness. Delicious and subversive but also time honoured.
Hibernation was the old word for it. But we don’t sleep with our 24/7 electric lighting, heating and netflix.
With immense concentration I decided to pull myself out of it. Always challenging. When you have abandoned trying to maintain structure in the face of so many interlocking seasonal baubles. 2019 dawned and now with the greening all around us it is properly arrived.
So for 2019 I am looking inward, and creating coherency within and without. The time is over for hope on its own, which has been a nice holiday, yeah I had a hope holiday being Voltaire and keeping myself amused in the hope that my body could fix itself. Well it didn’t. Not yet. But it is still being faithful, functional and fun, pretty good qualities and attributes for creating a good life.
This year is for action. Action on all levels. And not action in the outside world either. I did much of that Autumn of 2018, going to 3 amazing music gigs ( Sainko Namchylak, Janelle Monae and Fatoumata Diawara I know wow right!) organising a 5 day event for visiting European activists, presenting at a conference, composing music and performing ritual, doing some dj gigs (yes guineapigs dj). Proving to myself that I can do these things, even with a disability. Even if it takes me double extra time. But now I rise and fully claim a relationship with myself, exclusively with myself, a relationship where I try not to check out too much and lose myself unnecessarily in colours and lights and sounds, laughter and rat and cat fur.
Starting this blogpost initially at the beginning of January I stated an intentional commitment for local daily yoga for two weeks… “my class tomorrow is booked ambitiously for 7am and bought a new juice glass. Fancy Schmancy. From TK max.”
I now update, and will be writing more on all this, but add that my two weeks turned into 8 weeks at 3 different yoga studios, the juices are still ON but more and the rebounder is out in the garden.
I live within hope and make action. Restorative action, from a place of compassion.
Love peace and empowerment for your weekend and your forthcoming days
ps I am going to start a fb page where I will answer questions about being vegan/ good diet and nutrition plus any health related stuff from the perspective of non medical vegan guineapig.
Readers should it be called Ask Calliope? Ask A GuineaPig? Ask a CGP ? or Ask A GP?
Answers on a post card… no seriously just let me know what you think!