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Health Activism: The Politics Of letting Go.

Hello dear readers,

Happy Spring, Happy International Women’s Day and Happy Wakanda watching.

As most of you know from my previous post, I had the Lurge (yes with a capital L). The lurge that has left almost no – one I know unscathed this year. That is the flu bug for those of you who aren’t familiar with the lurge.

I then had suspected pneumonia.

Once it was kinda official there were pneumotic cells in my right lung I realised that actually yes I was really rather ill and to take the hardcore antibiotics and steroids. Along with probiotics. It was amazing. I felt so much better, like really incredible. And the pneumotic cells did not develop into full blown pneumonia I am glad to say.

Here is the thing. Last week I had an amazing day, the kind of day I really haven’t had for years.. where I was just out and about having meetings, doing stuff, vibing, getting excited, having the fire for some creative ventures… and it didn’t feel exhausting.

The next day I found out about an amazing eco conference that I wanted to go to in London.

I really got into the idea of going. The next morning I texted a friend who was there, as I couldn’t find any access details online. For a few hours there was the possibility of going, and I felt excited, ready, yes ready for anything, and dynamic. And then it became clear that it was an insider thing and would be a sneak in and reuse an arm band job.

Even though it still could have been very possible and I had a friend there also attending who would try and help the moment I let the thought seed that it was not accessible to me, and I did not legitimately belong there everything deflated.

It was so energetically intense.

Now sometimes she who dares wins! I have seen friends and loved ones just sail through things that are seemingly impossible, or make the impossible happen, one particular rat friend companion managed to get on the red carpet at Cannes film festival one year, through cheek, audacity, belief in that possibility. I myself am no stranger to belief in possibility. It has been my body song for 14 years.

Yet the fact that access to this amazing conference wasn’t a given and would require a little more work, more inventiveness, more effort defeated me. And I couldn’t blame my health as I had energy or spoons. This was something else. And it struck me as I watched and felt the energetic change in my body and a grey veil of despair envelope me that this feeling is my default. My hidden unseen default a default that I didn’t know was my default. That I don’t belong or am not entitled to belong, to attend, to be there, so there is no point. And the moment I became aware of that feeling in my body and energy, and managed to identify it I realised that it was a slumping hopeless grey sticky trap.

This is how the hidden chains operate. The unseen coding of privilege that shapes our cultural understanding. The ways we limit ourselves and police ourselves through mainly subconscious belief patterns about class, race, gender sexuality but also about hierarchical positioning in other ways. I am not saying that this type of recognition cancels out the need for structural and institutional change. That change also needs to happen, but the inner work is as important as the outer work. This is also why the Black Panther film is such an important cultural landmark, planting seeds of action, self worth and pride for many and having the potential to melt so many of these invisible chains and create energetic change.

I am sure the idea of seeing possibility as an open door, a door that is an invitation to something exciting is familiar to many people. When everything feels like it starts vibrating in the body and the air around you with potential and joyful open expansion, and then the door somehow shuts. Sometimes the door shuts through overwhelm, sometimes through something not quite going to plan, sometimes through adverse circumstance or even sometimes a little sabotaging inner voice whispering stories of worthlessness. The shut door can rapidly translate into a heavy rigid constriction of energy and a sense of hopelessness.

I felt this profound shift back to my default, that I hadn’t identified as my default and then wondered what would happen if I “rewind selector” and imagined the time before when I was excited to go. And lo I started running that amazing energy again.

To realise that this can be done is profound and empowering. I mean I have listened to Abraham Hicks and others for years, and read extensively. Am familiar with the concept of uplifting yourself and your emotional state. Have changed emotional states to cope with pretty hardcore physical challenges. I just had never realised before that this horrible grey hopeless feeling was lurking underneath everything, hidden and embedded. A default that you would not choose to reset to factory setting. Choosing to surface at any given moment but always there like a river of hopelessness. Maybe I always suspected even knew it was there but wan’t ready to take it on.

And this is one of the keys to fulfilling personal empowerment. It is a skill to develop the sensitivity to both be able to identify the moment of this sometimes devastating energetic change, and then not become swamped by the emotional state, but hold it with patience non judgemental compassion and then decide to see, or choose to try and change it, switch it, to something that serves your being and hence all beings better. A persistent commitment to doing that takes discipline and effort but over time reaps untold benefits.

Enlivening the body and soul through acknowledging feelings in all their abundant magnificence, with compassion. And then letting go of what is not needed instead of holding onto it or fighting with it. Yes the politics of letting go!

This is health activism my friends. Inner and outer work.

Love Peace and Empowerment

Calliope xx




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How To Deal With Negative Thoughts When You Are Ill.


It is the truly the season of the lurge!

I came down with flu on December 25th 2017.

After 2 weeks in bed and a week recovering I thought I was done! Went to the gym, got a sauna, made a daily exercise plan, relieved that I could now get back to oxygenating my blood with exercise, so important if you are living with a cancer diagnosis. But then Boom! Between visiting house guests from overseas with hacking coughs, flatmates being ill with seemingly different lurges than the one I had, plus of course (and probably the major culprit) London public transport the cough that was receding came back with full vengeance and my chest became a wet wheezy container for bubbling jewels of infection and pockets of inflammation.

For three weeks now I have been struggling with the wheezing, thinking it would get better, thinking my lungs are weak from having radiotherapy so just be patient. Your oesophagus is irritated from 8 weeks of coughing and the fluid is a response to that. Then thinking putting myself on double dose of liposomal vitamin c, steaming with frankincense and thyme and more latterly this week, taking 3 raw garlic cloves a day will miraculously stop this. I am though after all child of western medical thinking, and am prone to peer pressure. Whilst am happy for things to take their natural course within reason, this longevity is irking me, so how long do I have to do all this, why do I still feel ill, and wait, why is it taking so long?

Every time I think hmm this isn’t right, some-one else pops up on one of my social feeds saying the same thing…. “Will I ever be better? ” “2 months and I still feel so ill.”  “Cant get rid of my cough.” “Went into work, coughed so much I threw up so came home”

The problem is when you are like “ill” with cancer, being “ill” with a lurge complicates things. Which is why people like me get advised to take the flu vaccine.

You don’t know what is responsible for what.

Do I have a normal but quite bad chest infection, with a compromised lung, or is the wheezing related to something else, like a tumour pressing on my sternum creating fluid? Should I go to A &E to get a chest scan, or wait for the doctors appointment that I already had to cancel as I am too out of breath to go out to visit? What is the likelihood that A&E will simply give me antibiotics anyways, or even more worryingly, give me a “its chemo or die” ultimatum.. kinda like the hospital did in Germany about the second dose of radiotherapy that I could have done without if I had known that I could use the Chinese medicine in my bag topically.

This uncertainty has affected me profoundly. My usual coping mechanisms have been threatened, and you can see my thinking is already spinning a bit out of control!

I always trust my body knows best, and can sort itself out. And this trust goes a long way in dealing with what I have been through. But not being able to breathe is scary, especially as I am acutely aware that cancer thrives on blood that is not oxygenated properly. And fear causes hyperventilation and the feeling of not being able to breathe.

Two days ago I have an appointment to learn some sound editing. It is not far. I leave the house and walk to the bus stop. The bus comes. I look at it and a wave of panic engulfs me. I won’t be able to breathe on that crowded bus.

I drop my laptop back home, and then decided that a brisk walk in the local 5 minute away park will do the business. I can usually breathe better when walking outside in greenery. I walk to the park. Walk into the park. I am wheezing finely, but then my brain starts going into a head spin thinking, “shit you are really ill” “You can’t breathe can you” “this isn’t normal” “what if you pass out out here” You are really vulnerable” “what if actually this is your normal and you are so used to not being able to breathe that you can’t recognise that you actually can’t breathe” ” what if you have fluid in your lungs” “What if you have so much fluid in your lungs that it cracks your ribs” “what if all your ribs get broken”… on and on until I had catastrophied and envisaged a truly terrible situation and was panicking. I felt the strength ebb from my legs and the light headed giddiness of anxiety.

I wobbled back home, and without a second thought went up to my room and did some lung detoxing tao style, 30 times, with the accompanying movement. Each time I scanned my lungs for dis-eased or cloudy energy, feelings of grief, and infection, released it and then filled my lungs with the 5 element colour for the lungs. My lungs felt wide and clear, even if my sternum was still tight. I felt relief. Could breathe again, literally. I am sure that if I was dedicated enough I could spend a day or two doing this and the breathlessness would go, but I am temporarily weary and worn down through this lurge and my lack of social contact for the last 8 weeks.

The body based technique that I used and have been trained in and teaching for years, time honoured from the 5 element Taoist tradition of Chinese medicine allows me to stop thinking and take positive action to ease my immediate physical situation, even if it doesn’t explain why. It does work! The why is something I will have to choose to pursue or not at a later date. But better to choose it when I am centred and not in a state of panic. My feelings and how I dealt with them are tools that create the difference between being able to calmly and patiently wait a few hours for a home visit or a call back from a doctor, than feel so desperate and scared that I would be propelled to walk/shuffle/get wheeled through the doors of A&E.

In this case, I decided to get an appointment with an out of hours surgery through 111 earlier today, and got informed I do have a chest infection, despite having almost no fever, and have chronic asthma. I have been given antibiotics and steroids. We will see. I am researching them. But just even that diagnosis made me breathe easier. The weight of my imagination lightened by the words of some-one else.

The way that our thoughts and attachment to our feelings can make our physical situation feel worse is one many of us experience when we feel ill, or our bodies are not co-operating like we are used to. How many of us have googled or gone onto forums about slight health concerns and turned off that computer feeling infinitely worse/ sicker/convinced what was a slight twinge in the arm is now the sign of a heart attack or? And how the mysterious appearance of discomfort or pain in our bodies that we don’t understand can becoming the catalyst for full blown panic and disempowerment as we hand our bodies over to “experts”, instead of choosing to work as equals, marrying textbook learning with somatic learning… different knowledges for the common good.

Learning how to deal with negative thinking is one of the most important health creation tools in my approach to cancer. In this example, I used Taoist meditation techniques to stop panicking and practically help my body, but there are other ways and things that some-one not trained or confident in this modality could use. Learning to deal with negative spirals of thinking is a great tool for anyone in any situation. When it is negative thinking about your own body processes it is even more powerful. The flip of negative thinking has immediate results. That you can generally witness. Like me being able to breath after detoxing my lungs with sound and colour.

It is useful to bear in mind that feelings are not to be studied and dealt with, but witnessed and released through choice. The ability to recognise the feeling as it arrives and if it is negative using it as a choice point to redirect your energy and attention to healthy functioning is one we all can adopt. We all have a place in us that functions healthily, even if it is not very evident.

Now I am not suggesting that you give yourself a total mind fuck and dismiss things that you need to pay attention to. If your body is telling you something with pain you need to address it, feel into it, and ask your intuitive self what needs to be done. One generally gets the answers we need, whether that be to get something checked out with a doctor, allopathic or herbal, a pharmacist, a healer, or whether it is a little wake up call to alter some aspect of our life style or thinking, a call for self care. But being aware of the start of negative thinking, and witnessing it in a detached fashion before creatively reconnecting with your place of healthy functioning is both empowering and effective!

Illness is the body’s way of communicating with us. We can choose how we communicate back.

Trust it!

Love Peace, Empowerment

Calliope xx




2018 Swimming In Source


For some people the phrase “they fought a lengthy and courageous battle with illness” implies a journey of many years navigating cancer, the treatments, timelines and pharmaceutical helpers.

When I die, which I hope will be in some 30 years time I would hope that sentence will no longer be applicable to me but then I ask myself would I feel cheated in some way? Would the fourteen years I have dedicated myself to navigating cancer in my own body be obscured by my future achievements? How do I feel about that?

You see the thing is this cancer business has occupied so much of my prime time. From 38-52 years of age already. Sometimes it makes me feel left behind my peers in terms of success, work and earnings, mortgage and kids… though tbh I have lived in queer femme time most of my days where the conventional markers of life don’t create my dawns and dusks and achievement rungs.

For fourteen years I have applied myself to healings and leanings, learnings and yearnings, trainings and feignings and bouts of crazy discipline and strict regimes, to times of profound inertia – either through despair despondency or once, betrayal (by a nice radiologist). It is a long time. The whole of my forties have been dominated by this relationship of tidal malfunction with my body, a body that is random and unruly and not operating totally as it should be …. a relationship with all the ebb and flows of precariousness, hope, dis-ease, health and dogged perseverence.

I write this dear reader as I prepare to do an intense 30 day juice fast with herbs, tinctures, distilled water enemas and a rather outrageous protocol of hypothermia which I haven’t yet decided to engage with.

Let me just share (and feel free to wince) that it involves sticking 10 garlic cloves and chilli up where the sun don’t shine followed by biting hot baths full of chilli and mustard seed, followed by being wrapped in an icy sheet for 8 hours. You can see my hesitancy which could easily translate to common sense refusal. I will try and keep you informed of what I decide.

As those of you who have followed this blog for a while know, I am no stranger to the stranger aspects of health protocols that to the common eye seem extreme (as if destroying all cells in the body with chemotherapeutic medicine wasn’t extreme, right!). This summer gone I had a healing during a plant medicine ceremony and subsequently lost 25cms of tumour. It simply rotted away a cm a day. Leaving healthy pink skin under it. Unfortunately my body couldn’t hold the healing  energy and it just grow back with some added extra bonuses. But it let me know that my body can actually do this, can take down tumour cells. And that maybe ultimately the message for me was that it has to come from me and my quantum field. Its a bit of a cheat to go to another healer to heal you, like getting some-one else to sit an exam, or write your phd. Help is good, I mean we all need encouragement and direction pointing and therapies that help us reconnect to that part of ourselves that knows shit and can help us in our journey and catalyse our healing (like Reiki or sound healing for example), but ultimately for proper healing to happen we need to be 100% on board, 100% engaged with our own parts, hidden and seen.

To this end I am minded to share that meditation is a super effective and amazing way to make bridges to parts of ourselves we can’t recognise, but also and more profoundly to connect to the part of us that is timeless, ageless and healthy, whatever the state of play in our physical, emotional or mental dimensions. I have been a regular meditator since 1997, and it has certainly contributed to my ability to thrive and function, deal with emotional and physical pain and keep sane,  yet I have noticed a gradual progression over the years in time squeezing from my regular morning practice in order to feel more efficient. What was once a core embedded hour morning practice of an hour (which seems like a luxury these days) became 30 minutes, then 20, then a snatched 10 minutes, and then a negotiation (I will do it tomorrow, I promise).

S0 for me 2018 is the year of upgrading my meditation practice and restoring that golden hour in the morning. The reasons for this are numerous, and the benefits will also be numerous. One of which will be to help me embrace the conscious 100% more often. To connect with the part of me that is 100%. To keep present in the case of distractions. Instead of surfing each individual wave that makes up the ocean I will focus on healing in the ocean herself and swim in source. The quantum Tao, or cosmic soup which connects us all and is available to us all.

And if that means adding my healing energy for the benefit of the ocean then even better.

Wishing you all Love Peace and Empowerment

And a transformative and beautiful 2018.

Calliope xxx


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What To Do When Taking Down A Tumour?


If you see me, you will see that I have lost a stone and a half, but I have to say I am feeling better than I have done for years. Physically and mentally. Working. I have a good feeling and a quiet glow.

I don’t know if that is because I have been on a 4 week juice fast followed by 3 weeks of raw on top of this – 7 weeks in total (I mean clearly that is how I have lost weight). Or whether the combined disciplines and concerted efforts of a year of daily cold showers; 3 weekly trips to the Hyperbaric oxygen chamber since January; Oil pulling daily for 3 months; A beautiful summer holiday with my beloved companion lab rat on an Italian island bathing in natural warm volcanic water health spas; Lots of sounding; or some amazing shamanic healing with plant medicine in ritual I will never know.

What I do know is that my body chose to take down a very problematic and very large part of the tumour. The part of the tumour that has bled dramatically over the last few years and has limited my movement, stopped me from dancing and made rush hour a dangerous experience. That part. Is gone. Which is incredible. And liberating. And gives me a sense of validation:  that my body knows how to do stuff that I need it to do.

It took a month. It was the most hellish experience physically – the pain was off the hook, and that part of the tumour basically ate itself which was messy, smelly and painful. I did not really know what was happening I had to trust. Trust that my body was doing its thing. Hold the pain from a place of deep compassion and witness the process.

To support my body I decided to fast – but juice fast. I managed 4 large glasses a day though 6-8 pints is often recommended. I didn’t want to detox too quickly and didn’t resonate with doing coffee enemas at this time. I also drank a litre and half of glass spring water daily. The fasting also made me intensely weak and breathless but I knew from the research I had done that this was part of and parcel of the best healing protocol I could adopt for myself. And was a temporary measure. I then added salads, nuts and seeds, and raw crackers (a Goddess send). Ocado even deliver them and for quite a lot cheaper than the health food shops!

Every day I could see another cm2 of the tumour rotting. It was an incredible thing. Yes, it was necrotising a cm2 a day – which kind of means it took down something like 20cm2 or so of tumour. I took photos every day. It was a very visible process. Apparently, according to the medical herbalist I consulted and the oncologist at the Royal Free that I visited after the fact, this kind of thing is quite common.

Of course there were the fear narratives that occasionally flitted through my head – what happens if the necrotic flesh doesn’t stop at eating the tumour but moves onto good cells. What will the skin be like underneath? I didn’t lose any sleep on this. I just wanted to honour my body and its processes.

I had a deep feeling that ultimately the part of the tumour that needed to go would go. And it did. I trusted that. I now also trust that I will continue to grow in fulsome health.

I am so grateful to the handful of loved ones who supported me during this time. I couldn’t have come through it without you.


Calliope x

Ps Here is a picture of one of the health spas. It was heaven on earth.



Holding It Together. Hope In The Darkness.

New Years Eve 2004 I felt ill.                                                                                                                   Really ill.

Fatigued and in breast and under arm pain, ringing in my ears and sore gums. I was djing in Barcelona for a spiral tribe squatted warehouse party.

Now, August 2017 I feel ill.                                                                                                         Really ill.

With intense pain in my sternum and breasts that is almost unbearable, total fatigue, ringing ears and an ulcerated tongue.

The circle has come full circle. 13 YEARS and I am back facing the pain I have tried so hard to bypass, avoid, heal from, dance around.

In the last 13 years I have gone to California where I met some amazing people, qualified in sexological body work and stayed in a women’s tantra temple. Gone to SOAS and got a BA hons in Ethnomusicology as a mature student – my first visit to university. Held down the women’s café until 2012.

Travelled and taught in Berlin, Amsterdam, and at festivals : Glastonbury, Fusion. Ozora, Radical Herb. I conceived and taught a 6 week Interval Oracle programme. Seen the beauty of a small part of Italy and visited Budapest. Twice.

Helped a couple of women conceive, helped a couple of women and their partners give birth, gave some pleasure coaching. Ran a Reiki clinic by donation. Trained in some Tama Do modules, qualified in Taoist meditation practices. Trained to be a professional doula (and decided to stay a laywoman.) Shared my ideas and inspirations freely, generously for other to build upon and profit. Been rejected because of my hidden disability from a sexual priestess course. Been an active member of the amazing Women’s Health Project, and have also set up a not for profit company – which is nascent and waiting to get started.

I have lived in the same house for 25 years.

Trapped but safe.

I am holding it together.

Stubbornly. With a feeling of deep curiosity. And hope.

Believing that true hope can only be borne and have meaning when issued from the depths of despair. Otherwise it is not hope, it is wishful thinking.

To wish for hope that doesn’t acknowledge global pain and suffering is a blindness.

I hope, I trust, I hold tight.

I believe my body has its own wisdom and I witness the putrid stink of a large mass collapse in on itself, growing every day. The exudate intense. The colour black/grey/brown. Radiotherapied tumour flesh rotting and melting away.

I tried for medicinal maggots a year ago but the tumour was deemed too pink and healthy. Now in my hour of need with a situation growing more intense by the minute I wait weeks for an outpatient appointment with a hospital – to request again agents from the worm world to help me help my body/support my body get rid of this mass that is now starting to be on its way out.

I have no idea what will happen. I think it will be done and dusted by the time the appointment comes through. I will deal with it alone.

I simply stay quiet, immobile, witnessing the pain, encouraging my body to shed this load in a relatively safe way. The Chinese gunpowder wound care is on standby for the inevitable bleeds. I have no idea how this is going to work.

It will be messy and smelly and painful.

All this is an inevitable fact of life. We buy comfort through sanitization. We hand over our agency in order not to face the body’s fallibilities and weaknesses, not to be fully integrated smelly beautiful human beings.

I trust

I hope.

I embrace it all.

Love Calliope xx


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Hello dear readers, so I am still here, in this fifth month of May and haven’t migrated over to my new home YET. One of the reasons for this is that I cannot decide whether to be http://www.calliopeGP.com OR Calliopetheguineapig.com. If you have been following me or reading this blog for a while maybe I could ask you to do me the favour of giving me your opinion in the comments. I would really appreciate that. Thank-you in advance.

Now to the task in hand – todays blog. Most of you know that I was diagnosed with breast cancer already in my lymph in April 2004. 13 years ago! Prior to that I had already healed from a hospital diagnosis of an “incurable bowel disease” through using herbs, diet, Reiki, shamanism, visualisation, meditation. I mean it took a year, but it went. And also from asthma.

The one modality I didn’t use consciously as a healer before 2004 with any seriousness was sound – because I thought sound healing was a bit wafty and arbitrary. I mean I had attended workshops in the 90s with Jonathan Goldman (a week in Yorkshire), had the pleasure of attending Chloe Godchild’s the Naked voice 6 week series of workshops. Had been at a day workshop by the amazing Jill Purce, and had avidly been watered and fed by Kay Gardiner’s amazing book on sound healing. I had also run sound baths and sound rituals at various places and had been around as a cultural producer/collaborator as a dj and organiser on the underground rave scene. I had witnessed the transformative affect of sound but also the pain of certain frequencies. Still, sound hadn’t struck me as particularly useful for physical maladies. Pie in the Sky woo!

When I had this cancer diagnosis part of me was like – right I am ready for this – and I rolled up my metaphorical sleeves to work with it in all aspects. But the thing was, all the familiar, tried and tested tools I had used previously either were not available to me or DIDN’T WORK!

I mean I didn’t go near Reiki for ten years -rediscovering the power of that has been amazing- lost and found and all that for reasons I talk about in the blog about Reiki a couple of years back. https://wordpress.com/post/cancerguineapig.com/1408

My diet was already an ideal anti cancer diet – organic and vegan, my lifestyle didn’t really need any tweaks. I already meditated etc etc. Yes I did try many many things alongside all this -juicing, enzymes, enemas, urine fasting, Taoist death retreats, rebounding, flax, but that was something within me that was more than just structural that was responsible for this cancer, and I struggled to access it.

In that first year of working with a cancer diagnosis, 2004, I swatted up on using sound and found Fabien Maman’s work on cancer cells which prompted me to explore using sound in my own body to see what affect it would have. (Can I just add here that I am a classically trained pianist so could make sense of theoretical instructions.) I came across organ detoxing with sound in one of Mantak Chia’s books – which led me to go and train in Taoist techniques with Kris Deva North in London, and Mantak Chia which was a game changer. I felt at home for the first time in my life, both in my body and in the environment of the Tao centre. Learning the sounds to detox my organs and the inner smile meditation helped me immeasurably, and are tools I enjoy using and teaching.

I realised that although I loved electronic sound (especially readers, drum and bass!) as a musician I could use self generated acoustic sound for many more things and for a different purpose. As I progressed through this lengthy healing journey, I started using modes – scales that predated the Church’s colonisation of music – in my body for the different energy centres. This led me to attend a North Indian singing week by a visiting Druphad teacher called Ashoka Dhar, and my life changed and deepened even more! The joy of learning to sing patterns of notes and syllables and vowels simply through watching listening and repeating woke something up in me that had been dormant. I felt totally alive in all my senses and my brain, no more than alive, I felt integrated and whole – like my brain was working with my body to produce sound.

From here I applied to do a degree in Ethnomusicology in order to have some formal study in sound healing. This was not as I envisaged as sound healing was not part of the degree. There was only one specific module on sound in shamanism. Yet there was an aspect of sound healing present in most other courses and I luckily (and with the support of my excellent lecturers) managed to to keep my focus on sound healing even if the things I was learning about other cultures use of sound for social health contradicted held beliefs here in the West about the power of particular frequencies to heal.

During my last year at university, which was quite stressful  I decide to do a course at the college of psychic studies to counterbalance and reconnect myself with some woo. It was here that I learnt that Fabien Maman was giving a lecture. It felt like things had come full circle. I delightedly attended his lecture and started training with his Tama Do Uk representative Carrie Mitchell and have attended workshops with him when he is in the country. Sound has been a constant companion for me throughout this journey, and has been the thing that keeps giving and giving.

So I conclude with gratitude dear readers that :

  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay alive and stay thriving.
  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay connected to my inner source of strength and power.
  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay centred when faced with other power systems and knowledge bases that contradict my own knowing.

So now with all this knowledge – both in the body and from the academy of how and why sound can be profoundly healing I know it is my purpose to help others by sharing this. To help others who have had diagnosis’s that are scary or frightening, or who have had emotional upset in their lives, or who need some recentring of their own power. Or who simply need to reconnect to a simple source of joy and pleasure for immune system boosting and blood oxygenation.

I am quietly excited to announce that I am running 6 sound workshops here in London. I am so excited that I have decided to briefly forgo the anonymity that my alter ego affords me so if this interests you in any way please check this website: www.pleasureismedicine.com and read Interval Oracle.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend and do drop me a line on your thoughts of the name of Calliope’s new online home.

Love peace power

Calliope xx


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Trump and Cancer cells

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Is the hyperbaric oxygen working? Well I have steadfastly applied myself to the act of arriving on time almost daily before the tank gets locked, and succeeded. For those of you who have been accompanying me on this blog journey for a while you will know what a herculean effort that has been. (https://cancerguineapig.com/2012/11/07/queer-femme-time-pt-1/)

The tumour is being inactive. Which is a result.

I did have a scarey random t-shirt splatter bleed last week which threw me off balance a bit but a little visit to the local chinese herbalist (a fiver for 30 minutes talking) reboosted my faith and conviction in what I am doing.

Somethings take time, results don’t happen overnight. Rome wasn’t built in a tree, or oaks aren’t made in a day. We live in a world of immediate results and one dimensional understandings yet as Angela Davis said this weekend at the WOW* festival – we have to do the work – even if the results won’t be visible for our lifetimes.

Not to say that what I am doing won’t be visible in my lifetime.. I mean there are between 50 and 75 trillion cells in the body and each type of cell has its own life span*

I am sure for each individual there are variants of this but in general it is held that the epidermis (skin surface) replaces itself every 35 days. You are given a new liver every six weeks. Cells of the stomach lining replace themselves every 4 days, and our entire skeletal structures are regenerated every 3 months* and that is without taking into account relativity and time dilation.

How can time be seen as fixed and one dimensional when there are so many cyclical time orbits operating inside the body?

And this is also reflected outside the body. For example my hutch can be seen as a  multidimensional cyclical time zone.

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Consider for example my pt time assistant lab rat has 12 years and I have 10 years to each human year*. My rooster housemate has 5.33 years to each human year and her cat  – well for cats…..

” there is no mathematical formula (well at least, not a simple one) because the age of a cat does not follow a linear curve compared with the human age.” *

I keep my watchful guinea pig eye on that cat!

We are truly mega multidimensional beings with many different time zones and operating systems within us all unified by some mysterious intelligence.

Sometimes the hardest work in the world is using your mental strength to keep a vision of your own reality when physical manifestations contradict that – like keeping your sense of self and centre with the understanding that nothing is fixed in stone. I hope you can forgive all the metaphors I am littering my writing with today. But how to do that?

Forgive me if you think I am referencing the 11th century Danish King of North England – Cnut – as the king who ordered the tide to stop and failed miserably. I am not. I am not referring to using your willpower to affect things outside of yourself, though I have to add that King Cnut got a pretty bad press. He was actually making a point to his courtiers that he wasn’t omnipotent and he couldn’t stop the tide coming in. See spin was happening even then. Neither is it about using your willpower to create blue sky thinking and engaging in the practice of spiritual bypassing.

I am talking about using your mental strength to create a vision of holistic health, and holding on to it. An imaginary that serves and honours the cyclical nature of all cell activity. An imaginary that can override the prioritisation of the wellbeing of only one type of cell – the cancer cell. An imaginary that benefits all cell members of any society and not just the rich and privileged. An imaginary that inspires action to make it a reality. Yes action!

And so we return to Trump.

As cancer cells take generally years to get it together enough to manifest as a full blown tumour, a time truth often disregarded by oncologists, people like donald trump also did not just appear overnight. I mean the things he embodies were seeded thousands and thousands of years ago, and have been fed and watered to become institutionally endorsed. But that doesn’t mean that he and what he represents is fixed in stone either, even when it seems that all is lost and the armageddon has started.

I and others before me have often said that cancer cells are greedy, selfish, self orientated, stubborn and disconnected with the rest of the body workings, and the analogy with trump for me is glaringly obvious. To have a holistic sense of the multidimensionality of time can give us hope. Hope that we can affect our futures and those of other beings

HOPE is a good tactic.

For dealing with cancer cells both in the body and in the body politic.

So with Hope I hope dear reader you can take heart whatever your situation.

Stay Strong and Well.


Calliope xxx

*WOW – Women of the World Angela Davis speaking with Jude Kelly March 2017 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMUskpoNdIc






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