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What To Do When Taking Down A Tumour?


If you see me, you will see that I have lost a stone and a half, but I have to say I am feeling better than I have done for years. Physically and mentally. Working. I have a good feeling and a quiet glow.

I don’t know if that is because I have been on a 4 week juice fast followed by 3 weeks of raw on top of this – 7 weeks in total (I mean clearly that is how I have lost weight). Or whether the combined disciplines and concerted efforts of a year of daily cold showers; 3 weekly trips to the Hyperbaric oxygen chamber since January; Oil pulling daily for 3 months; A beautiful summer holiday with my beloved companion lab rat on an Italian island bathing in natural warm volcanic water health spas; Lots of sounding; or some amazing shamanic healing with plant medicine in ritual I will never know.

What I do know is that my body chose to take down a very problematic and very large part of the tumour. The part of the tumour that has bled dramatically over the last few years and has limited my movement, stopped me from dancing and made rush hour a dangerous experience. That part. Is gone. Which is incredible. And liberating. And gives me a sense of validation:  that my body knows how to do stuff that I need it to do.

It took a month. It was the most hellish experience physically – the pain was off the hook, and that part of the tumour basically ate itself which was messy, smelly and painful. I did not really know what was happening I had to trust. Trust that my body was doing its thing. Hold the pain from a place of deep compassion and witness the process.

To support my body I decided to fast – but juice fast. I managed 4 large glasses a day though 6-8 pints is often recommended. I didn’t want to detox too quickly and didn’t resonate with doing coffee enemas at this time. I also drank a litre and half of glass spring water daily. The fasting also made me intensely weak and breathless but I knew from the research I had done that this was part of and parcel of the best healing protocol I could adopt for myself. And was a temporary measure. I then added salads, nuts and seeds, and raw crackers (a Goddess send). Ocado even deliver them and for quite a lot cheaper than the health food shops!

Every day I could see another cm2 of the tumour rotting. It was an incredible thing. Yes, it was necrotising a cm2 a day – which kind of means it took down something like 20cm2 or so of tumour. I took photos every day. It was a very visible process. Apparently, according to the medical herbalist I consulted and the oncologist at the Royal Free that I visited after the fact, this kind of thing is quite common.

Of course there were the fear narratives that occasionally flitted through my head – what happens if the necrotic flesh doesn’t stop at eating the tumour but moves onto good cells. What will the skin be like underneath? I didn’t lose any sleep on this. I just wanted to honour my body and its processes.

I had a deep feeling that ultimately the part of the tumour that needed to go would go. And it did. I trusted that. I now also trust that I will continue to grow in fulsome health.

I am so grateful to the handful of loved ones who supported me during this time. I couldn’t have come through it without you.


Calliope x

Ps Here is a picture of one of the health spas. It was heaven on earth.



Holding It Together. Hope In The Darkness.

New Years Eve 2004 I felt ill.                                                                                                                   Really ill.

Fatigued and in breast and under arm pain, ringing in my ears and sore gums. I was djing in Barcelona for a spiral tribe squatted warehouse party.

Now, August 2017 I feel ill.                                                                                                         Really ill.

With intense pain in my sternum and breasts that is almost unbearable, total fatigue, ringing ears and an ulcerated tongue.

The circle has come full circle. 13 YEARS and I am back facing the pain I have tried so hard to bypass, avoid, heal from, dance around.

In the last 13 years I have gone to California where I met some amazing people, qualified in sexological body work and stayed in a women’s tantra temple. Gone to SOAS and got a BA hons in Ethnomusicology as a mature student – my first visit to university. Held down the women’s café until 2012.

Travelled and taught in Berlin, Amsterdam, and at festivals : Glastonbury, Fusion. Ozora, Radical Herb. I conceived and taught a 6 week Interval Oracle programme. Seen the beauty of a small part of Italy and visited Budapest. Twice.

Helped a couple of women conceive, helped a couple of women and their partners give birth, gave some pleasure coaching. Ran a Reiki clinic by donation. Trained in some Tama Do modules, qualified in Taoist meditation practices. Trained to be a professional doula (and decided to stay a laywoman.) Shared my ideas and inspirations freely, generously for other to build upon and profit. Been rejected because of my hidden disability from a sexual priestess course. Been an active member of the amazing Women’s Health Project, and have also set up a not for profit company – which is nascent and waiting to get started.

I have lived in the same house for 25 years.

Trapped but safe.

I am holding it together.

Stubbornly. With a feeling of deep curiosity. And hope.

Believing that true hope can only be borne and have meaning when issued from the depths of despair. Otherwise it is not hope, it is wishful thinking.

To wish for hope that doesn’t acknowledge global pain and suffering is a blindness.

I hope, I trust, I hold tight.

I believe my body has its own wisdom and I witness the putrid stink of a large mass collapse in on itself, growing every day. The exudate intense. The colour black/grey/brown. Radiotherapied tumour flesh rotting and melting away.

I tried for medicinal maggots a year ago but the tumour was deemed too pink and healthy. Now in my hour of need with a situation growing more intense by the minute I wait weeks for an outpatient appointment with a hospital – to request again agents from the worm world to help me help my body/support my body get rid of this mass that is now starting to be on its way out.

I have no idea what will happen. I think it will be done and dusted by the time the appointment comes through. I will deal with it alone.

I simply stay quiet, immobile, witnessing the pain, encouraging my body to shed this load in a relatively safe way. The Chinese gunpowder wound care is on standby for the inevitable bleeds. I have no idea how this is going to work.

It will be messy and smelly and painful.

All this is an inevitable fact of life. We buy comfort through sanitization. We hand over our agency in order not to face the body’s fallibilities and weaknesses, not to be fully integrated smelly beautiful human beings.

I trust

I hope.

I embrace it all.

Love Calliope xx


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Hello dear readers, so I am still here, in this fifth month of May and haven’t migrated over to my new home YET. One of the reasons for this is that I cannot decide whether to be http://www.calliopeGP.com OR Calliopetheguineapig.com. If you have been following me or reading this blog for a while maybe I could ask you to do me the favour of giving me your opinion in the comments. I would really appreciate that. Thank-you in advance.

Now to the task in hand – todays blog. Most of you know that I was diagnosed with breast cancer already in my lymph in April 2004. 13 years ago! Prior to that I had already healed from a hospital diagnosis of an “incurable bowel disease” through using herbs, diet, Reiki, shamanism, visualisation, meditation. I mean it took a year, but it went. And also from asthma.

The one modality I didn’t use consciously as a healer before 2004 with any seriousness was sound – because I thought sound healing was a bit wafty and arbitrary. I mean I had attended workshops in the 90s with Jonathan Goldman (a week in Yorkshire), had the pleasure of attending Chloe Godchild’s the Naked voice 6 week series of workshops. Had been at a day workshop by the amazing Jill Purce, and had avidly been watered and fed by Kay Gardiner’s amazing book on sound healing. I had also run sound baths and sound rituals at various places and had been around as a cultural producer/collaborator as a dj and organiser on the underground rave scene. I had witnessed the transformative affect of sound but also the pain of certain frequencies. Still, sound hadn’t struck me as particularly useful for physical maladies. Pie in the Sky woo!

When I had this cancer diagnosis part of me was like – right I am ready for this – and I rolled up my metaphorical sleeves to work with it in all aspects. But the thing was, all the familiar, tried and tested tools I had used previously either were not available to me or DIDN’T WORK!

I mean I didn’t go near Reiki for ten years -rediscovering the power of that has been amazing- lost and found and all that for reasons I talk about in the blog about Reiki a couple of years back. https://wordpress.com/post/cancerguineapig.com/1408

My diet was already an ideal anti cancer diet – organic and vegan, my lifestyle didn’t really need any tweaks. I already meditated etc etc. Yes I did try many many things alongside all this -juicing, enzymes, enemas, urine fasting, Taoist death retreats, rebounding, flax, but that was something within me that was more than just structural that was responsible for this cancer, and I struggled to access it.

In that first year of working with a cancer diagnosis, 2004, I swatted up on using sound and found Fabien Maman’s work on cancer cells which prompted me to explore using sound in my own body to see what affect it would have. (Can I just add here that I am a classically trained pianist so could make sense of theoretical instructions.) I came across organ detoxing with sound in one of Mantak Chia’s books – which led me to go and train in Taoist techniques with Kris Deva North in London, and Mantak Chia which was a game changer. I felt at home for the first time in my life, both in my body and in the environment of the Tao centre. Learning the sounds to detox my organs and the inner smile meditation helped me immeasurably, and are tools I enjoy using and teaching.

I realised that although I loved electronic sound (especially readers, drum and bass!) as a musician I could use self generated acoustic sound for many more things and for a different purpose. As I progressed through this lengthy healing journey, I started using modes – scales that predated the Church’s colonisation of music – in my body for the different energy centres. This led me to attend a North Indian singing week by a visiting Druphad teacher called Ashoka Dhar, and my life changed and deepened even more! The joy of learning to sing patterns of notes and syllables and vowels simply through watching listening and repeating woke something up in me that had been dormant. I felt totally alive in all my senses and my brain, no more than alive, I felt integrated and whole – like my brain was working with my body to produce sound.

From here I applied to do a degree in Ethnomusicology in order to have some formal study in sound healing. This was not as I envisaged as sound healing was not part of the degree. There was only one specific module on sound in shamanism. Yet there was an aspect of sound healing present in most other courses and I luckily (and with the support of my excellent lecturers) managed to to keep my focus on sound healing even if the things I was learning about other cultures use of sound for social health contradicted held beliefs here in the West about the power of particular frequencies to heal.

During my last year at university, which was quite stressful  I decide to do a course at the college of psychic studies to counterbalance and reconnect myself with some woo. It was here that I learnt that Fabien Maman was giving a lecture. It felt like things had come full circle. I delightedly attended his lecture and started training with his Tama Do Uk representative Carrie Mitchell and have attended workshops with him when he is in the country. Sound has been a constant companion for me throughout this journey, and has been the thing that keeps giving and giving.

So I conclude with gratitude dear readers that :

  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay alive and stay thriving.
  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay connected to my inner source of strength and power.
  • It is sound and music that has helped me stay centred when faced with other power systems and knowledge bases that contradict my own knowing.

So now with all this knowledge – both in the body and from the academy of how and why sound can be profoundly healing I know it is my purpose to help others by sharing this. To help others who have had diagnosis’s that are scary or frightening, or who have had emotional upset in their lives, or who need some recentring of their own power. Or who simply need to reconnect to a simple source of joy and pleasure for immune system boosting and blood oxygenation.

I am quietly excited to announce that I am running 6 sound workshops here in London. I am so excited that I have decided to briefly forgo the anonymity that my alter ego affords me so if this interests you in any way please check this website: www.pleasureismedicine.com and read Interval Oracle.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend and do drop me a line on your thoughts of the name of Calliope’s new online home.

Love peace power

Calliope xx


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Trump and Cancer cells

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Is the hyperbaric oxygen working? Well I have steadfastly applied myself to the act of arriving on time almost daily before the tank gets locked, and succeeded. For those of you who have been accompanying me on this blog journey for a while you will know what a herculean effort that has been. (https://cancerguineapig.com/2012/11/07/queer-femme-time-pt-1/)

The tumour is being inactive. Which is a result.

I did have a scarey random t-shirt splatter bleed last week which threw me off balance a bit but a little visit to the local chinese herbalist (a fiver for 30 minutes talking) reboosted my faith and conviction in what I am doing.

Somethings take time, results don’t happen overnight. Rome wasn’t built in a tree, or oaks aren’t made in a day. We live in a world of immediate results and one dimensional understandings yet as Angela Davis said this weekend at the WOW* festival – we have to do the work – even if the results won’t be visible for our lifetimes.

Not to say that what I am doing won’t be visible in my lifetime.. I mean there are between 50 and 75 trillion cells in the body and each type of cell has its own life span*

I am sure for each individual there are variants of this but in general it is held that the epidermis (skin surface) replaces itself every 35 days. You are given a new liver every six weeks. Cells of the stomach lining replace themselves every 4 days, and our entire skeletal structures are regenerated every 3 months* and that is without taking into account relativity and time dilation.

How can time be seen as fixed and one dimensional when there are so many cyclical time orbits operating inside the body?

And this is also reflected outside the body. For example my hutch can be seen as a  multidimensional cyclical time zone.

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Consider for example my pt time assistant lab rat has 12 years and I have 10 years to each human year*. My rooster housemate has 5.33 years to each human year and her cat  – well for cats…..

” there is no mathematical formula (well at least, not a simple one) because the age of a cat does not follow a linear curve compared with the human age.” *

I keep my watchful guinea pig eye on that cat!

We are truly mega multidimensional beings with many different time zones and operating systems within us all unified by some mysterious intelligence.

Sometimes the hardest work in the world is using your mental strength to keep a vision of your own reality when physical manifestations contradict that – like keeping your sense of self and centre with the understanding that nothing is fixed in stone. I hope you can forgive all the metaphors I am littering my writing with today. But how to do that?

Forgive me if you think I am referencing the 11th century Danish King of North England – Cnut – as the king who ordered the tide to stop and failed miserably. I am not. I am not referring to using your willpower to affect things outside of yourself, though I have to add that King Cnut got a pretty bad press. He was actually making a point to his courtiers that he wasn’t omnipotent and he couldn’t stop the tide coming in. See spin was happening even then. Neither is it about using your willpower to create blue sky thinking and engaging in the practice of spiritual bypassing.

I am talking about using your mental strength to create a vision of holistic health, and holding on to it. An imaginary that serves and honours the cyclical nature of all cell activity. An imaginary that can override the prioritisation of the wellbeing of only one type of cell – the cancer cell. An imaginary that benefits all cell members of any society and not just the rich and privileged. An imaginary that inspires action to make it a reality. Yes action!

And so we return to Trump.

As cancer cells take generally years to get it together enough to manifest as a full blown tumour, a time truth often disregarded by oncologists, people like donald trump also did not just appear overnight. I mean the things he embodies were seeded thousands and thousands of years ago, and have been fed and watered to become institutionally endorsed. But that doesn’t mean that he and what he represents is fixed in stone either, even when it seems that all is lost and the armageddon has started.

I and others before me have often said that cancer cells are greedy, selfish, self orientated, stubborn and disconnected with the rest of the body workings, and the analogy with trump for me is glaringly obvious. To have a holistic sense of the multidimensionality of time can give us hope. Hope that we can affect our futures and those of other beings

HOPE is a good tactic.

For dealing with cancer cells both in the body and in the body politic.

So with Hope I hope dear reader you can take heart whatever your situation.

Stay Strong and Well.


Calliope xxx

*WOW – Women of the World Angela Davis speaking with Jude Kelly March 2017 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMUskpoNdIc







Deep Diving pt 2


Hello dear readers, the little flowers are poking their heads out of the turf in my hutch and spring is in the air. What a relief. As you might or might not be aware I am experimenting with hyperbaric oxygen. Initially this was for 4 weeks in January but January came and went, the oxygen process was hard on my body and emotions but I decided to continue into February…..during this time I graduated from the 16 foot (and sharing the tank with some children, highly evolved souls who came through at this time with severely limited physicalities mainly of cerebral palsy and autism ) to the adult only 24 foot depth. I also listened to Deepak Chopra and schlepped up to Edgware weekly to see my amazing fellow healer, kinisiologist and doctor of 5 element acupuncture O …..

“I banish disease from your arms, from your legs, from your private parts” I hear Deepaks voice from a hymn from the Rg Veda as an ear worm in my head randomly on the tube, on the buses, on the treatment table.

My body involuntarily goes into warrior mode, fists clenched, jaw rigid.
“There is an almighty battle going on” says O as she needles my feet.
“This cancer thinks it owns you.”
“I know, I say, but it doesn’t. ” ‘And it is going down’ I say to myself.

An old Tibetan mantra comes to mind. A mantra that I was given by one of the only Tibetan doctors of Bon medicine in the Uk (who I visited 10 years ago) designed to get rid of entities in the body associated with cancer. I gently pulsed it through my body letting the words be carried through my lymph and through my blood on a wave of silent sound, letting the many needles O has put in me hum with this sound – just to let the cancer know that it’s days are now numbered, even though I have deep gratitude for all the transformations and learnings it has offered me.

People like Donald Trump can be compared to cancer cells in the body. I mean they share the same traits: selfishness, greed, opportunism, individually working for their own ends, regardless of whether they kill the host body, or planet to feed their short lives.
To do a head to head combat simply recreates the binary. Winner and loser, good and evil, vanquished and conquistador. To make the cells, or people like Trump choose to deconstruct or make way for healthy cells or consciously minded people it takes a different paradigm and consciousness. We all need to recentre power: Power in body knowledge. Power in body pleasure. It is coming people!

Later my laboratory rat assistant lies next to me. I am in pain. The tumour site feels raw and damp and on fire. (I was having an inflammation response often a result of the start of tumour breakdown.)
“I am trying to be empathetic and tune into your pain to support you” she says
“but I just feel like I have bad period cramps.”
“Ratfriend!” I say
“You do me no good by trying to embody pain. Let’s try and get some good biodynamic feedback going. Please just imagine that you are really happy, ecstatically happy, and pain free, and so am I”
Within seconds I am enveloped by a warm glow that just keeps increasing. My body starts feeling deep bliss and the pain subsides. I chuckle with delight.
“What colour am I sending you” she asked out out of the darkness. My favourite energy game as many past intimates will testify.
“Colour?” Taken unawares my head switches on and starts going through the mental process of identification – blue, my rational mind says
“Blue” I falter
“No” She says. I briefly wonder if I am losing my touch but then I just tune into my body, a body awash with golden light – “its Gold” I correct myself, “of course it is gold”
Now its her turn to glow with happiness. She chuckles delightedly pleased at her acquired skills.

Hard times, good times, the continuum of body song always singing, life always coursing through me. I give thanks many times throughout my days for the gifts and messages that appear sometimes in unexpected ways or through expected situations.

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Stay tuned for the next post where I will be sharing the similarities between cancer and trump and survival tactics for living with both.

Thank you for reading this blog.

Love peace and empowerment.


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If Truth Be Told.


How do you hold other peoples truths when they contradict your own? How can you hold other peoples truths when they don’t just contradict yours but have a deleterious affect on your welbeing? What dictates whether the ability to ignore other peoples truths become narcissism or self care? Where is the line and what do we do when we feel powerless in the face of a truth that doesn’t resonate? How do we centre ourselves, align ourselves with our own power and agency in our truths?

I ponder these questions as I ride the buses to and from the hyperbaric chamber throughout January. (Well okay I cab there 16 mins and bus back 60 minutes.) I follow the dots, connecting them up as an astronomer or ships navigator would the starry sky. From my upbringing, to elite power structures to yes the new president of the US of A.

I ponder this as I send good wishes and heart felt healing to dear friends and friends of friends currently subjecting themselves (sometimes unwittingly) to the rigours of undergoing chemo and radiotherapy. The truths of their bodies interpreted through the steam roller of oncology treatments.

I feel raw, emotional, I am often the one running a clear stream of tears at the back of the bus my face frozen intent on betraying nothing.

It is like the oxygen is releasing held hiddens of emotional cellular memory.
What else is there left to work with I ask? And the tears come cleansing and releasing unarticulated grief that had hardened into a magma of blazing anger that in turn underpinned a refusal to not just join in and be a success, as measured by the power structures that dictate 21st century life in the UK but also to deny them. Tactics seemingly from another age to circumnavigate white patriarchy and be part of a world that honours all….

Yes I am being stretched to the fabric of my core.

Something is changing, something is shifting. It is unpleasant.
But it is real and ultimately it is good. I will persevere and trust in my inner knowing.

Sometimes it is so hard to know if your truth is something you should hold onto, or need to change: Something that serves you or something that limits you.

Drop Deep and Centre. Middle Medicine. Re-align your compass and keep sailing.a17-copy

And of course never stop trying to be accountable to yourself, and also hold others to account when necessary.

Thank you for reading this little blog post.

Love Calliope



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Living Laughing Loving Breathing HBO


No not the master mind behind broadcasting the Lword dear friends, but hyperbaric oxygen. (I mean who doesn’t love the Lword!)


Subject to controversy for years oxygen has a couple of hundred years of form regarding cancer. I could at this juncture talk about my beloved supplement Zell oxygen, Nobel prize winner Otto Warburg, or the benefits of exercise, but instead will just focus on hyperbaric oxygen.

HBO is based on administration of 100 % oxygen at higher than normal atmospheric pressure. HBO treatment enhances the amount of dissolved oxygen in the plasma, thereby increasing O2 tissue delivery independent of haemoglobin. The Undersea and Hyperbaric Medical Society has a list of approved indications for HBO therapy, including decompression sickness, severe carbon monoxide poisoning, nonhealing wounds, and late radiation injury.” *

For many years the jury was out as to whether HBO harmed or helped cancer cells and it was only recently that it was decided to be safe.

There is also considerable excitement over a study released in 2015. Researchers from the immunophysiology department at Northeastern University claimed that HBO could make a dramatic improvement in cancer treatment, based on their experimentation on my mice cousins. ** And it is true I see many people at the chamber who are using it as an adjunct to surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

For myself I just felt it would be a good thing and would help my body with the large irradiated tumour I carry on the outside of my body. I had ideally envisaged medical larva secreting cancer busting enzymes from the outside and cancer busting oxygen from the inside. But as readers of my previous posts know it was not to be. Luckily my wonderful kinesiologist ally and friend stepped up with all kinds of things to support my body during this time including the wonderfully named GUNA remedies. I am also waiting on some interesting dna tests which whilst not confirming my unusual for a guinea pig Roma Albanian roots will help me with the hormone balancing stuff.

I am minded just to post this as it is, with none of my usual asides and personal commentaries – and so it shall be.

Thank you for following this blog, dear friend and readers.

Love powa and peace

Calliope xx


** HBO and breast cancer – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3510426/




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Deep Diving in a Sea of Oxygen.


Happy New Year dear readers, may we all support each other and stand strong in these challenging times. May 2017 nourish and feed those who conciously try and make the world a better place for everyone.

For myself – I am starting the new year with some fresh air of sorts. But not air from some exotic place and a 15 hour flight unfortunately – or fortunately if you think of the pollution gifted by the jet engines to the earth’s atmosphere, but air from a cylindrical tank. Kinda like diving, but not in water.


Despite the dry diving aspect of it I am still terrified. Guinea-pigs to my knowledge don’t swim, and they certainly don’t dive, yet it is my luck to have found a relatively local hyperbaric chamber on an industrial estate near Chingford where I, along with five other intrepid dry divers can be wittingly locked into a metal tank and taken to a depth of 24 feet worth of pressure charge whilst sucking oxygen through a large pipe attached to a plastic face mask.

So off I trecked last Thursday 5th january complete with all necessary bits and bobs one would use on a plane namely earplugs, chewing gum and sinutab to deal with the air pressure, and much intrepidation.

Yes dear reader I will be attempting to enter this cute looking chamber daily for the whole of January – Sunday is my only day off.


I didn’t actually realise we would be locked into aforementioned chamber until I went for this first session which added to my fearful disquiet. Despite the fact that the chamber looks incredibly cute there is no escape. It takes 15 or so minutes to increase (or is it decrease) the air pressure.  An hour breathing in the oxygen under pressure, and then 15 minutes to decompress the chamber. It is very noisy. I had to buy a £70 mask and then we were off.

I was going straight in at 24 feet as recommended by the centre as a cancer protocol. I was  nervous and couldn’t fit the mask on very well. My companions inside the chamber were 3 older humans, nice ladies who gently encouraged me and gave emotional support and advice. At 14 feet depth I started feeling quite panicky as my ears had sharp pains in them and my jaw and sinus was throbbing. I had taken sinutab ten minutes before going into the chamber and then went into some catastrophic thinking about the effect of oxygen on pseudo ephedrine and paracetamol. I was kicking myself that I hadn’t researched it before.

There were strange noises. I was scared my mask wasn’t working properly. The lovely woman operating the chamber was keeping an eye on me from outside, and when the others indicated I was in pain she spoke to me through the intercom and stopped the pressure until me and my ears had calmed down. She did also give me an option to get out even though it would have ruined the session for everyone else. I stayed in and it was fine.

On the second day I chickened out of going inside the chamber. (Hey wait a minute where did those chickens come from?) I didn’t want to go in without decongestants but felt weird about the effect of oxygen on the sinutab so hadn’t taken it. There was an option for one person to sit outside.


I sat outside. It felt good. No anxiety about pseudo ephedrine, and no ear popping. Not having to have my earplugs in meant I could  relisten to a really old Louise Hay hour thing on cancer. I then delighted in Nas and Damian Marley, as macho as their album is it has some nice messages. Then all of a sudden I was in floods of tears all the way home. A highly unusual occurrence. My heart felt tugged as I thought of how my father would have loved this album. If he was still alive I would have given him a copy and he would have listened to it top volume in his car with the bass on full like any respectable youngster. On the bus with tears streaming down my face – which felt cathartic – I took the book out of my bag I had been lent by Mr Lib and Mrs Tiddles  – Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari and lo! Endless tragedy and persecution of the late great Billie Holiday by the obsessed and racist Bureau of Narcotics, and how she died alone, cruelly chained to a hospital bed and denied visitors, flowers or her radio. At 44.

Day three: Cancelled. Exhausted. Needed a day of self care.

Day four: Chickened out again of going into the chamber again and took oxygen sat outside.

Day five: I decided to try again. I took the sinutab tablets and went in at 16 feet. There are two depth options – 16 and 24 feet. There were 6 of us in the tank. I was sitting next to a lady who told me that decongestants were not good but that nasal spray was. I made a mental note to research that when I got out. There was a boy in there with his mum. He looked a lot older than his 3 years. Despite the woman’s patient, best and clever attempts to get him to breathe the oxygen through the special childrens mask he refused. It was heartbreaking but also ear deafening. Oh imagine the irony of having your eardrums burst by a screaming human child. The air pressure on your ears paling into insignificance with potent sound wave noise assault. It was though a heartbreaking situation and we all dealt with it as best we could.

I came home and after a coffee enema decided to research sinutab and the affects of oxygen on pseudo ephedrine. After checking some diving sites and medical things I decided that I was right to feel uneasy about sinutab and hyperbaric oxygen chambers. As a one off it was okay but daily use for 26 days was not well indicated.

Day Six: Second session in the 16 foot HBO. No decongestants or pain killers. Candy Crush and Papa Pear on the iPad on airplane mode. Nothing heavy. Minimum ear discomfort.

So after initially experiencing both anxiety and terror I am determined to make friends with this oxygenating process and persevere in my quest to take the tumour down this year. It is time to match my body to the health and wellbeing that I feel, feed and live on a daily basis.

Thank you for reading this blog

Love and power

Calliope xx

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The Joy of Cold Showers And Other Delights

gp big faceDear reader, it is said that an orgasm can plug one into the primordial sound of the universe. A state of buzzing vibration – the Om that the Rishi’s of India maintained was the original sound. For myself I have found an additional way of accessing the cosmic hum… yes readers I am about to extol further the virtues of a cold shower.

Before I do this I would just like to say it has truly become rather cold and dark in the last couple of weeks – what with the weather and political happenings across the pond. I stand in solidarity and Love with the American people whose lives have been made a lot less safe by the election of Trumpington/ and the chrustian kkk fundamentalist republican types. Yikes. Groove is in the heart, stay strong and love each other my friends.

Now to the business of this blog – cold showers.

I know! It is an unthinkable for most people in these cold climes. Brrrrr. Squeek. And I am not one for unnecessary masochism despite seeming evidence to the contrary. But the fact remains – I am committed to this shower business and am patting myself on the back for my bloody minded tenacity.

You see as strange as it might appear, getting out of bed and having to immediately overcome something physical and tangible actually works for me. It gives me a feeling of success nay triumph, triumph over adversity. I mentioned the cold showering to the lovely Dr. K who laughed and said I was adhering to the time honoured homeopathic principle of being drawn to what you disliked as being good medicine. Of course to bring it back to cosmic sex, having to go to the things you have resistance to, the things you dislike is also a form of tantric philosophy in the style of Osho teachings I believe.

Yes it is challenging. Yes I hate it before I have done it. Yes I have to gee myself up to do it. Sometimes I feel too lazy/weak or just tired and cold, so I run a really hot bath with frankincense in. I immerse myself in the heat up to my neck feeling deep gratitude for the luxury of hot water but then despite my comfort instincts I find myself pulling the plug, start letting the water drain away and then I simply can’t resist the part of me that just knows what my immune system needs. Before I know it I have put the shower hose on with freezing cold water and am dousing myself whilst yelping and gasping and squeeking.

It makes the skin go red, like sunburn, and you heat up and tingle… and then my ears start humming and my body feels electric. It is amazing and I feel alive and ready for the day. Who needs cosmic sex when you can have a cold shower experience. In fact isn’t a cold shower meant to be a traditional remedy for lusty thoughts….

I am sharing these musings as I sit in St Thomas dental hospital. Floor 23. Overlooking the Thames and the Shard. It is surreal. The last time I was here was in June just before Glastonbury festival when I had a very painful tooth extraction that had cracked three ways and was not letting in the light.

Today though I have come back because one of my wisdom teeth is being reabsorbed into my jaw bone and they want to x-ray that. I mean none of my wisdom teeth came through. Maybe I didn’t merit their presence – or maybe my being doesn’t want to share my wisdom with the world. Or maybe just maybe I am wise enough! Who is ever wise enough though?

What wasn’t wise is during the last few years I have had a really bad but delicious habit. The habit of chewing the insides of my mouth. So pleasurable. My life scientist rat companion flags it up when she catches me trying to unobtrusively nibble my inner cheeks. But Guinea pigs need to obsessively nibble on something and I was pretty oblivious to the fact that this had become a natural and instinctive mechanical body action.

The result of my x-rays bore further witness to this, that is after a half hour panic when first the dental technician, then her supervisor, then the consultant thought they could see a floating tooth under my left eye in a highly irregular freak of nature occurrence. Luckily the radiologist when found put this flight of fancy in its place. I do though have two large cysts in my lower jaw bone which have to be removed along with some of the bone sometime in the New Year. This shocked me. I have had two lumps for years under some of my bottom teeth. I googled and discovered cysts are quite normal and are usually due to wisdom teeth which haven’t come through and also biting the inside of your mouth – trauma to your mouth. AAaargh. All those years of mouth chewing. For this! Be warned young rodents who need to graze. Find something sensible to get your teeth into – like ideas and sticky toffee!

So I decided to return to oil pulling to try and avoid surgery. I don’t know whether you, dear reader, have oil pulled. I am using coconut oil at the moment. Please feel free to share any preferences for oil or experiences on my comments page under this blog.

Oil pulling aside – As a general health update I have managed to find something that works as effectively as the tamoxifen without the noxious side effects at last. High dosage iodine, flax seeds and vitamin C. There is a protocol and I am happy to answer questions.

In the next blog I will be sharing information about three expensive tests to check oestrogen pathways in the liver amongst other things, and also to share the facts and experience of oxygen. Yes for the whole month of January I will be trekking to somewhere near Chingford 6 days a week to sit in an oxygen chamber of the type that divers use. Deep gratitude to the Stay Up Forever Collective, T and Lou from club 414 and all the awesome techno dancing feet who raised the funds to enable this to happen.

And finally in what feels quite a disjunct ending to this week’s blog I would like to flag up in advance, well in advance for those of you who hate change as much as I do, that I feel my days of being a cancer guinea-pig are coming to an end. I mean I know I could run with this ad infinitum but I need to stop being a cancer guinea pig and revert back to being simply a health activist/ life guinea pig. That cosmic hum I mentioned at the beginning is inviting me to reveal my true colours and step into my power. This means leaving my GP identity and returning to my serpentine roots. You see I am a snake after all and shedding my skin is part of the modus operandi. Also I no longer want to be invested energetically in being a cancer guinea pig.

I will probably keep blogging for the duration of the oxygen on this site – and will give you all advance warning when and if I migrate to another blog name – so just bear that in mind and enjoy xx

Warm Solstice Wishes on this shortest day after the longest night.

Love Light and Peace

Calliope xx


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10 Top Psychological Tips for Dealing With a Cancer diagnosis.

gp big faceHello dear reader, firstly let me tell you that on hearing the words cancer related to you and your person, or to some-one you know  – either as a surety or a possibility –  it is likely that you will feel like your world has collapsed and the chill of death has nipped the air like a Pokemon haunter, or a Trump president elect.

I know I did. This is quite normal. And yes a cancer diagnosis, or even a possible diagnosis does bring you closer to your mortality – but that is not necessarily a bad thing. We all have to face the fact that we are immortal only in spirit and the body is like a vehicle, a vehicle that we can fix and repair for the duration of its purpose. Know that you will get through this, although it feels scary as shit at the moment.

I have compiled a list of things that helped me deal with the psychological impact of a cancer diagnosis twelve and half years ago and keep my strength and sense of purpose which I would love to share with you …..


10  Top Psychological Tips for Surviving and Thriving with a Cancer Diagnosis:

  1. You are more than the diagnosis. Don’t be minded to become the disease or let it define you. You have errant cells that simply need to be dealt with.
  2. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Eat your fear! Face what you are really scared of. Write it down on a piece of paper and eat it/burn it. Decisions made from fear are not always the most considered and sustainable. Assess yourself: some people choose chemo out of a place of fear. Some people don’t wish to have chemo out of fear. By looking at the fear and getting through it you can then have a better chance of making empowered decisions that serve you and are not from a reactionary place of fear.
  3. Remember there is no right or wrong way to deal with cancer. We are all unique individuals with individual body types and errant cell pathologies. For some people chemo will feel right, for others it won’t. By connecting deeply with your heart you will be able to navigate what is right for you in your circumstance.
  4. Practice detachment from the diagnosis/illness. Avoid using words like “my” cancer or “my tumour”.
  5. Remember that many schools of thought believe that your body made this, your body can unmake it. And there is a lot of help available to help it do that from all quarters – from western medicine to naturopathic medicine.
  6. Pleasure is medicine – find as many opportunities to laugh. Getting lost in the collective consciousness of victimhood and pain will not serve you. Now more than ever you can help your immune system by doing pleasurable things, empowering things.
  7. Harness as many plant/animal allies as necessary. Remember food is incredible medicine but you don’t need to panic and radically change your diet. I would recommend cutting out refined sugar, upping your vegetable intake, trying to eat more organic, and yes binning the junk food (hormone disrupting crisps or high sugary fatty milky refined chocolate bars right! )
  8. Get some support and help from people who know/who have been there/ who are there for you. Allow yourself to accept help from people you trust.
  9. Take some time for yourself. Take some time to make a decision regarding treatment. Cancer takes years to materialise and few weeks are unlikely to make much difference. Take your time to get informed, ask questions, find out the side effects of any treatments and procedures. Forewarned is forearmed! Get Informed!
  10. And finally – know that you can do this – you can get through this. You are not alone.


I hope you have found this helpful. It is not a definite guide for sure, and next week I will be sharing a guide to navigating treatment options, including what to do if you really feel that western medical treatment options aren’t for you and also how meditation helped me.

So dear reader take good care of yourself and those around you, and thank you again for taking the time to read this blog. Please share it with anyone you think will be helped by it.

Love and power for your days.

Calliope x

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